the alternative monday morning coffee club (warning: x-rated)

A few weeks ago Sheba’s* Sundowner Club was established. This is an unofficial branch of the Kyiv International Womens’ Club Monday Morning Coffee Club where coffee is drunk by nice ladies. In SSC, anything (preferably alcoholic – hence the ’sundowner’) is drunk. And instead of being at 10.30 on a Monday morning (what?!!) it’s at 4.30 on a Friday afternoon.

So that preamble over with, here are two excerpts from conversations held at the different clubs last week:

Monday Morning Coffee:

woman A (aka Princess): hello, I’m Princess. Who does your husband work for?

woman B (aka Mind the Gap): hello, I’m Mind the Gap**. Nice to meet you too.

Sheba’s Sundowner Club:

sheba: oh, you know I am just all about the clitoris.

gay man: what, you mean you’ve never fingered yourself up there?

sheba: wtf?

gay man: you, know, haven’t you ever tried to find your g-spot?

sheba: what the f*** would you know b*tch?

gay man: honey, I know my *ss better than you know your v*g*na!

I haven’t laughed so much in months.

*not her real name

** not her real name either

flying ukrainian

Start of Air France flight AF2583 Kiev to Paris:
me to mdf: ergh I can’t sleep, I’m choking on second hand alcohol fumes.

Announcement:
ladies and gentlemen, it is forbidden to smoke in the toilets.

Announcement:
ladies and gentlemen, may I remind you that it is strictly forbidden to smoke in the toilets; anyone caught doing so will be imprisoned.

10 minutes later:
air steward to ukrainian passengers: sir, madam, it is strictly forbidden to drink your duty free alcohol on this flight.
repeat ten times

one hour into the three hour flight:
ukrainian passenger: bring us whisky.
air stewardess: I’m sorry but there is no more whisky.
up: but we want to drink whisky.
as: I’m sorry madam, but all the whisky has been drunk on this flight.
repeat conversation 5 times

ten minutes later:
ukrainian passenger: we want to drink whisky.
air steward: I’m sorry madam but there is no whisky available, as my colleague already told you.
up: we pay you 20euros.
as: I’m sorry madam but there is NO MORE WHISKY AVAILABLE.
repeat conversation 5 times

and so on and so on